In the last couple months, I've started fitting things together, putting words to patterns that have bothered me for a long time.
Some of those words are ones that I've thought of since moving out, so I don't know how well they apply, but others have been on my mind for a long time and I've really studied his behavior with those words in mind to see if they match.
Insecure- heck yes!
Narcissistic- not sure, new word, but there are definitely some indicators
ADD- very possible
Bipolar- also possible, tricky: this and ADD have similar manifestations.
Delusional- definitely some of this going on.
Verbal abuse- subtle, but it's there
Sexual dysfunction- Hell to the yes!!! That's the whole foundation of our marriage!
He's dysfunctional on a level that is so fundamental to his very nature that he doesn't see how unhealthy he is, how his behavior creates dysfunction and unhealthy coping in those around him.
The parts that worry me most are those who will (had have in the past) catch collateral damage from his dysfunction.